Buried Anger, Lingering Love

Recently, there has been so much shocking news. One story caught my attention, not because of the story itself, but because of a comment beneath it.

He said his family also went through hardship, yet they endured. Four people, one breadwinner.

It made me think. During the old generation, such struggles were common. People then were tough, perhaps too tough. But today, many seem unable to bear even half the weight. Maybe their hardship is different, or maybe they have never truly known what it means to survive with nothing but will.

And then I ask God in silence. Why still give pain, when life is already so hard? Why must You continue to test? Why not be more gentle with those who are already tired?

Deep inside me, something has been buried for years.

I always wanted to love my grandma, yet her actions left me disappointed, and the people I love deeply hurt.

I thought I would not shed a tear when she passed away, but in that moment, tears fell anyway.

They told me she didn’t deserve them, and maybe they were right. But I couldn’t stop.

It was a strange mix of love and anger.

I hated her for always wounding us, yet part of me still remembered the times she showed kindness.

Still, she never truly treated us as family.

When it came to money, she would appear—loud, demanding, as if we owed her something.

My dad, being a filial son, would be unhappy to hear me say this.

But I have kept this inside for too long.

The anger, buried beneath the love, has stayed in my heart for more than ten years.

Her words still echo in my mind.

I have tried to forget, but the harder I try, the deeper they carve into me.

Perhaps I do not need to forget.

Perhaps they exist to remind me of what unfairness, favoritism, greed, and selfish love look like.

Now I feel relief that my family, especially my dad, no longer has to live under her control.

She never valued him, but we do.

We will give him the love, peace, and warmth that he always deserved but never received.

They say we need to forgive those who have passed so that they may rest in peace in the other world.

But I am sorry, I simply cannot.

I do hope they move on, and that the ties are finally cut,

so that we, too, can move forward without the weight of the past.

I still wish my grandma peace…

but I also pray she remains far from us in the next life.